A Rough Day
by Ashily
Summary: God's having a hard day. [PARODY. Oneshot.]


**Title:** A Rough Day

**Author:** Mercy Me Its Ashley

**Summary:** God's just having a hard day.

**Notes:** It's a parody, 'cha? I'm a reincarnation girl, myself, so I really don't care who gets offended! It's a parody, dammit!

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A Rough Day

"Jesus Christ!" God swore loudly, looking at the small bag clasped in his hands. In it was… well, it was pot. There, he said it, it was pot. His son was smoking pot.

"Yeah, dad?" And there he was himself, Jesus Fucking Christ. All dressed up in… what was that? Chains, what looked like either giant pant legs or a skirt and a tee shirt advertising the latest Marilyn Manson tour. God shook his head, where did he go wrong?

"What's this?" he asked, holding the bag up for his son to see.

"Um… pot." Jesus shrugged, and that ticked God off even more. Didn't Jesus realize that was sin #367? Right after looking at the genitals of anyone- including yourself- but a newborn baby, and only when you have to.

Or well… maybe that was actually sneezing without covering your mouth. God made a note to self to add smoking pot later.

"It's a sin!" God declared loudly, and thunder crashed and San Fransisco had another earthquake, and the Fiji islands were completely flooded and the Middle East blew up because some lightning struck both their oil supply and nuclear weaponry. When God is pissed, God is pissed.

"Is not!" Jesus said, holding up the long list of sins. It was up to #666 and- oh shit. Better add that pot one fast, "I even looked!"

God shook his head again, (their was some more thunder, and then California broke away, and a volcano erupted in Hawaii, but he didn't really care. They were all sinners anyways,) and decided to get straight to the point, "Where'd you get this?"

Jesus shrugged an angsty teenager shrug and answered, "Uncle Satan."

At that point, North America completely exploded and half of Asia disappeared under a tsunami. Satan. Who did have a very sexy ass-

Wait, that was sin #78. Will not think about the same sex's physical characteristics in a sexually pleasant way. And sin #99, will not think about anyone closely related to me sexually.

God shook his head, and then he realized the entire earth was in shambles, so he waved his hand and everything was back to normal. Except he left California where it was. Stupid stoners.

"I'll be back in ten minutes," he said, shaking a finger Jesus's way, "If you leave, I'm not going to let you go back to earth ever again." He didn't mean that, but it seemed to be effective.

So, God went ahead and beamed himself down to Hell.

There, he was admitted to Satan's waiting room. Damn that secretary was so…

Sin #567, will not think sexually about anyone under the age of 18.

He waited about twenty minutes, staring at pictures of Pamela Anderson and wondering if he could bum a cigarette off the guy sitting next to him. In the end, he didn't though, 'cause then he got called in.

But God was surprised when the whole fire and brimstone thing didn't go off when he walked in. Usually Satan was up for that, he loved to show off.

Instead, though, he was sitting in the dark corner of the room, hunched over a note pad.

"You know anything that rhymes with 'my bloody desolation'?" the man asked, chewing on the tip of his eraser.

"Um, Satan?" God cleared his throat, "I want to talk to you about Jesus."

"Good kid," Satan said with a nod, "He helped me with my last poem. I called it 'Trapped Within My Dark Despair'."

Looking closer, God could see that Satan in fact did have eyeliner around his eyes. And slowly it all began to click… Satan was emo.

"Um, Satan, could I ask you another-"

"Is there anything that rhymes with tears besides fears? Well, there's dears, but that doesn't fit."

"It's just, he was smoking-"

"Sears? Yeah, that'll work."

"And he said he got it from-"

"'Here I cry my bloody tears, while I work at Sears?'"

"It's not a sin yet-"

"Eyeliner streaks down my face… and staining my black lace."

"Rest assured, I'm not happy-"

"Blackened heart and broken bones… will not sooth my angry tones?"

"But I'm willing to look it over, anyways. Nice to talk to you again." God said loudly, though Satan didn't hear, and then left.

When he got back to heaven, God was looking forward to a nice rest, maybe a cheat night on the saintliness with some nudie pictures and his right hand, right after he fixed up sin #667. He went to go tell Jesus about it, seeing as it'd be a disgrace to send his own son to hell, but when he opened the door he was forced to shut it quickly.

In three seconds, he'd learned more about gay sex than he'd ever wanted to think about. But could he really blame Jesus? Peter's ass was pretty hot.


End file.
